Showing posts with label autism. Show all posts
Showing posts with label autism. Show all posts

Friday, February 4, 2011

Downloading DDPDFK Black Label

Thing is halfway done downloading as I speak, and really excited to play it, its at 71% now fffffffff. Here have a video of it.

Other than that, I'm sorta sticking to my goals as I mentioned last time. Filling out 1 job app a day online, and perhaps maybe even just walking around near I live if anywhere has a help wanted sign or something. I don't have the courage to straight away just walk into a store should it be like that, I still need to work on a resume for smaller places if they don't do applications. And then the mental preparation for actually talking to someone in a store about it might take me a while too, as that stuff petrifies me. I'm really procrastinating the Japanese studying though, there's just too many games to play at the moment, plus with my irregular sleeping schedule I wake up at 4pm, and I study best with natural daylight but then it gets dark at 5pm so yeah... ;_;

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

1st of February resolutions

I'm not the one who believes in the whole new years resolution thing; if there's something you want to change about oneself, why wait for some arbitrary number on the calender to change? Unfortunately, I feel like this way of thinking has left me pretty unmotivated to do any sort change by always thinking pessimistically of illogical things like that. But after neeting for a little while, the least I can do is somewhat try to use my time productively, to work towards those silly weaboo dreams of mine like teaching english in Japan or doing something there (so I can actually go to some arcades and game centers that aren't crap, as well as embracing all the things of glorious nihonese culture, and be closer to all sorts of /jp/ goods and merchandise, just like in my japanese animes). But first things first, there's some crap I should deal with such as:
  • Getting some sort of job, all I need is roughly $450/mo for rent/food to survive at the bare minimum. This will no doubt be the hardest task of them all
  • Study Japanese seriously again, did about a year of it in community college, review all that and continue on my own.
  • Get a BA/BS degree in SOMETHING (it does not matter what, its all bullshit) as its required for pretty much any serious gig over there, however I'm butthurt from uni as some of you may know so I won't do this immediately.
Basically dots 1 and 2 are what I want to focus on immediately, and all this will take some serious work. Working hard towards anything not video-game related is extremely difficult for me, so I don't know how much success I'll have. It really is hard to change from my hikkikomori ways, and no Misaki-chan will knock on my door to try to cure those ways so I'm on my own. Especially with Japanese, I feel ashamed for being so monolingual, but every time I try to seriously start up studying it again, I'll do it for a few hours for the day, and then never touch it again for months. And getting a job is pretty hard as fuck considering the shitty economy and all, something a lot of you know looking for extra money to fuel your hobbies. If only I could apply for SSI and neet moneys, but I honestly don't suffer from severe psychological "disorders," besides the usual aversion to people and introversion, and I'm a horrible liar so I don't think I could fake it either. Plus I think ones parents have to be in on the process, and I really wouldn't want them involved.

I'll also try to post more often on here, with progress of learning as evidence that I'll actually stick to this. So far my goal is applying everywhere, one online application a day, and as for Japanese review one chapter of Genki (the textbook our class used) a day, getting through the book in 12 days.

Sunday, January 23, 2011

What are you playing RIGHT NOW?


Got the idea from the shmups forums, and thought "if that was on /jp/ someone would reply 'cool blog post' and sage." Well shit, this is a blog so I can make all sorts of cool blog posts, something I don't do often enough. So what are you guys playing? I've been getting way too autistic into Cosmic Break grinding, with some shmups on the side like dodonpachi daifukkatsu v1.5 on the 360, and have Bayonetta coming in the mail soon. Some amusing shots from Cosmic Break:

Problem Mami?

From JPCB, they're quite good at skin editing
Posted on /jp/, this game isn't free from BR's either

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

DRAM log

No, not about dynamic Ram, but I have a folder called that on my computer for my dreams I've written down. I had a whole bunch this morning, ranging from ronery to aweseome. I'll start with the first:


As the image implies, this one involved Yuri and Tenshi from the Angel Beats! series, and almost seemed like some fanservice SOL anime. It started out as the three of us were just watching TV in which I think was my dad's house, and apparently some cutesy dialogue happened between us and I was thinking how much I love them both but couldn't decide which one I would pursue ala which route to go through. It then proceeded to some sort of bathhouse where your typical animu antics occur and we somehow end up in the same bath and Tenshi is all flustered and embarrassed and it was so hnnnnnng worthy I could die. This wasn't like a japanese bathhouse in your onsen episode, but was a very fancy one that had water slides connecting from one kind of hot tub to another. It turns out this whole place is owned by my former neighbor who I used to do yard work for a long time ago, and I guess because I was trespassing, he made me organize a speaker configuration for some stereo system in the bathhouse, and then the dream ended there.
This dream made me really ronery after waking up because I will never be in that painful situation to decide over between Yuri or Tenshi to show my affection for ;_;  Soonafter I fell asleep to have another dream...


This next one involves me being at an arcade in China. I was in China this last summer as a part of some college program, and one of my fondest memories was being anti-social from the group and going off and searching where the best arcades in Beijing and Shanghai were. Actually I told some about them and took about half my group there to a good one in Shanghai and they all liked it, but in all honesty I enjoyed it more when I didn't have to bring anyone (playing tour guide is not fun and with our limited time, having others always slow down travel time I noticed). But anyways, about the dream itself, I found myself yet again in China after this trip, although I don't even know why but I was at some game center there. I must have somehow just transported there because even all my money was still in USD, and not much use at their change machines. However I met some cool dude there who could speak english and helped me out, we made a deal on the current exchange and paid for some of his Chinese money, to then get some tokens for the arcade. We then played some game I don't remember, and then asked me what kind of games I'd like to play and of course replied with my favorite of Shmups and STG's. He too got excited and claimed he liked them, and showed me that section of the arcade. At first appearance their shmup section looked fantastic, with all dodonpachis in nice viewlix cabs. However, there were fighting games inbetween and those were so crowded with onlookers they rudely took up those shmup cabinet seats just to sit down and watch the fighters, so I couldn't play those. The only thing I could get to was some sort of abomination of dodonpachi, like some incredibly knockoff version of it that had this horrible control system in the cab that resembled one of those "throw basketballs into the hoop as quickly as possible" games, and which you could only move with this shitty dial, and basically it was the worst experience playing a shmup ever. The dream ends there, and overall it was kind of cool having a dream about being in a Chinese arcade again, except that last part.

I'm not the one to seriously psychoanalyze my dreams and see what they mean in relation to my life or whatnot with Freudian mumbo-jumbo, but I wonder if they have any DEEPer meaning other than me just being ronery as usual (in the first one). I've somewhat been recording my dreams whenever I have interesting ones that are worth remembering, and I'll share more in the future if I have any! Usually when I get lots of sleep is when you remember them the most, which is easy to do in my current NEET status.

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Not dead yet!

Just thought I'd make this filler post to let you all know I haven't abandoned this yet. Perhaps like many other of you, I've been dragged to many family outings for kurisumasu, letting them remind me of how ronery and disappoint I am, so yeah. Our immediate family decided to boycott x-mas this year though, so no one got presents for each other, although I did get some money as a present to NEET that much longer which is nice. Overall these get-togethers make me appreciate my room, vidya, and japanese cartoons all the more when I get back so in that sense they are good, as well as all the free food and getting fat as well. Hope you all survived your holiday outings too!

Thursday, December 16, 2010

999 General


So I finally got around to getting to clearing the True End, and all I have to say is what. Really loved this game though and I feel silly for not have played Ever17 yet (writer is the same as this game). Not sure how much I could talk about the game without spoiling it, so all I have to say is if its on your backlog, put it on highest priority! Also, that elevator dialog between June and Junpei made me wet.

Monday, December 13, 2010

つまんな~

So as of December 10th, I've officially withdrew from all my classes at Uni. The way things were going there's no way I was going to pass any of them, so might as well have them appear as nice big "W's" instead of big fat "E's" (F's are too offensive nowadays). I've talked with my advisor about my cool story and such, and recommends if I don't like what I'm doing now, and not what to do exactly, a liberal arts degree might be ideal. She also went through my old community college transcript and also recommended since I took first year Chinese and Japanese there with good grades, that linguistics in asian languages would be a good choice too. I'm not really sure what to think of all this. I feel like if I'm going to go to college, it should be purposeful and a libtard degree seems like a waste of time to me, but at least it'd get that precious piece of paper that is a minimum requirement of doing any non-menial work. Then again I have no desire to work so whats the point. And maybe a linguistics/Japanese major might be cool but I see that as equally worthless as a lib/arts degree for some reason. I do have a strong interest in learning this language to read my VN's, idolm@ster and watch raw animu, and the classes would certainly help, but I also want to learn this on my own and not waste money on tuition. Plus there are other bullshit classes necessary as well. Thinking about this stuff is too stressful, I need to make a portal to Gensokyo and take it easy for eternity. Talking with my adviser though made me feel less like shit for failing though, I was seriously depressed about it the last few weeks

On the bright side, with no current plans for the future and no job, I'm officially a NEET for the unforeseeable, I guess I can finally take it easy, at least while the funds last. I can get quite a bit backlog done now, and further embark on my quest of getting the moonrunes to tell me their secrets. By not going out except only when necessary is nice, even though Christmas is around the corner it hardly feels like it. I'm OK with this, and hope to at least have a lovely dinner with my waifu on that night.

Take it easy guys, and stay dry this winter.

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Ketsui and dodonpachi daioujou Now working in Mame

Perhaps if you've been browsing /jp/ in the last hour or so, or keep up with this shit like I do, two famous and arguably the last "manly" bullet hell Cave shmups are now playable in Mame. The sound emulation isn't perfect, so some songs are playing slower/faster than they should be, which is unintentionally awesome sometimes. But other than that they play beautifully. Espgaluda should be following shortly as well.

Enjoy
http://www.mediafire.com/?juh0m233e8ehdmc
Just extract and run the mame.exe, and you're set.